Monkey Forest was one of the scariest parts of my time in Bali. A forest filled with hundreds of wild monkeys that spend their days stealing from and leaping on top of tourists, it was never going to be somewhere that I enjoyed.
After a particularly enjoyable visit to the dentist where I was informed I would need to get root canal treatment, I decided to buy myself and Dave a bottle of Sprite on the way home to celebrate the fact that my teeth are made from chalk.
Taking the shortcut through Monkey Forest, I skipped happily along the trail, imagining the sheer delight that he would display upon being presented with the magical lemon and lime concoction. I knew it would change his life.
And then it happened.
As I danced around a crowd of monkeys that were eyeing me suspiciously, I noticed one of them slowly and deliberately creep towards me.
Instinctively, I sped up and felt my heart begin to race as he also increased his pace. I stopped and turned to him. “Go awaaaaay!”, I hissed while stamping my feet loudly. My attempts to intimidate and terrify him failed as I watched him lunge towards my bag with an agility that I could only dream of possessing.
With a single swipe of his arm he had ripped through my plastic bag and snatched my beloved bottles of Sprite.
“No!” I squealed.
Assuming it was simply a mistake, I held out my hand, fully expecting him to hand the bottle back to me.
He didn’t respond.
This meant war.
I stamped my feet once more and growled with all the force I could muster – this tactic usually works when I am trying to chase intimidating cats and dogs away.
However, this monkey was hardened. He was hardened from a lifetime of encounters far more brutal than a small girl tapdancing near his face.
Snarling and baring his teeth, he hissed menacingly and began charging at me, reaching close to the speed of light in just a few seconds.
As my eyes widened in horror, my future flashed before me in a series of images:
The monkey sinking his teeth into my leg.
Having to go to the hospital to get rabies shots.
The shots failing to work.
Lauren foaming at the mouth.
…I was about to die.
As I turned to escape, I found myself running faster than my legs could carry me.
After two steps the inevitable happened. My flip flops slid out from under me and I fell flat on my face. Scrambling to my hands and knees, I frantically pulled myself across the floor, ripping the flesh off my legs and feeling the skin on my hands tear open.
I shrieked as I realised it was over. There was no point in trying to escape now. The monkey had outwitted me. He was the victor and it was time for me to surrender. I turned around, squinting in terror, bracing for the attack, waiting to die…
But nothing.
It had gone.
The monkey had completely disappeared and in its place was a hoard of Japanese students, eyeing me with a mixture of confusion, horror and glee.
Clearing my throat awkwardly, I clambered back to my feet, dusted myself off and stumbled back to our bungalow, empty handed and full of sorrow.
What a day.
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In July 2011 I left England for what was supposed to be a one year trip around the world. Within a few months of leaving I knew that a year would never be enough. I now work online and travel permanently, seeking misadventures in unique, beautiful and fascinating places. Read more.
I'm here to show you how not to travel. Since I've been on the road I've been "poked" during a massage in Bangkok, punched a scammer in Shanghai, been attacked by monkeys in Bali, sat next to a dead woman on a boat in Laos and so much more. I call these The Incidents and you can see a full list of them here.
I knew when you proposed the idea it was going to be a cracking post. Loving your new life abroad then ;)
George recently posted..I have Never ….
Hahaha, thanks! It’s definitely eventful…!
Glad to see that you made it out alive! Monkeys are the most overrated animal, nothing but jerks, that lot.
Ryan at Travel and Graphs recently posted..10 Longest Rail-Trails (Illustrated Map!)
SO true! I thought they were cute until I got within a few metres of them.
Where everyone else will squeal and go “Monkeys are adorable!!” (Re: Paul Frank) they are scary scary scary HIDEOUS evil little creatures.
You’re so brave, glad you made it out alive.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so!
Good that you are ok! I don’t know why but I always get attacked byt these monkeys! They just love me!
crazy sexy fun traveler recently posted..DEDICATED TO THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD – HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, MUM
Poor you, they’re horrible animals! ;)
Watch out for those monkeys! This post gave me a laugh as it reminded me of the adventures that I had with the monkeys in Nepal – they can be so crafty, creeping up on you, trying to steal your food. Its scary as they are such smart creatures!
I know! They look so innocent…
“a small girl tapdancing near his face” LOL.I can’t stop laughing when I picture that scene :p
But the monkeys in Monkey Forest are much better than in Sangeh. Those are criminals, they would snap ear rings, necklace and other valuable stuffs. Robbers :(
DebbZ recently posted..Dubai: Desert Safari
Oh, it was so traumatising! I’m glad I didn’t experience the ones in Sangeh :)
I was completely terrified the entire time I was at the Monkey Forest. I tried to stay in as far from the perimeter as possible at all times and never sat down. A monkey jumped onto my friend’s shoulders and I proceeded to freak out as she sat calmly. I’m not sure what I would’ve down had one actually touched me. I feel for you.
Amanda @ Farsickness recently posted..Flashback Friday: The Scariest Flight of My Life
Hahahahaha! I would have had a major panic attack if one of them had climbed on me. Worst. Nightmare.
I had a similar story in the forest North of Bangkok. Know what you feel, Lauren :) Glad it did get you :)
i meant it didn’t ;)
I’ve heard the ones there are even more crazy!
He he! I am going to compare them next year :)
This is hilarious! I was there in Ubud a few months ago and I was a paranoid schizo with my camera. I had my wife act as armed guard when I changed lenses for fear they’d run away with my bag! Great post!
Aaron recently posted..Exploring Tunisia – Sidi Bou Said and Ancient Carthage
Same! I saw them stealing earrings out of girls ears when I was there. Nothing is off limits!
Oh god Lauren I was laughing so much at this. Your life makes me happy x
Jen recently posted..The Scarlett Guide To… Faking A Dinner Party
Hahahaha! I’m glad you found it so funny! :D
My now 24-year-old daughter still remembers those Ubud monkeys (or their mothers) checking her shorts for bananas when she was 4.
Sophie recently posted..Postcard from the Grenadines
Hahahahaha, oh wow! That sounds terrifying…
Thanks for sharing the dark side of the monkey forest. It’s a funny story since it worked out alright :)
Scott – Quirky Travel Guy recently posted..There’s a volcano in the heart of Portland, Oregon
Thanks, Scott! :) After I’d stopped crying I found it funny too :)
There are monkeys running amok in Granada too, and one of my friends got peed on by one. Hey, at least they didn’t pee on you!
Ava Apollo recently posted..Wednesday Getaway – Santa Barbara, California
True! I’m not sure what would have been worse!
This is why I am a bit afraid of monkeys.. We cannot say how innocent or not they are.. I think we should be careful always..
Monkeys have attacked, injured and even killed citizens. Consider these suggestions to fight off a monkey attack and keep yourself safe,
Man why does this stuff always happen to you?! These are fun to read but I don’t understand how you get yourself into these messes! :)
Hopefully the monkeys enjoyed your Sprite!
Jeremy Branham recently posted..8 things to do in Kauai when you’re not lying on the beach
This has been happening my entire life, Jeremy! I guess I should have started my site sooner so I could have them all documented! :D
I hope they choked on it…. ;)
I’m still traumatised from the time I was in Bali, age six, and a monkey stole my peanuts. You see, back in the 80′s, we used to buy peanuts from a stall and feed the monkeys. The peanuts were sold to tourists specifically for this purpose. I don’t think they do that anymore?
Torre – Fearful Adventurer recently posted..Learning How To Play: How I Made My Work Fun Again
Hahaha what a frightening incident yet funny story lol =)) my hair was almost pulled by a monkey when I was younger but my dad kicked that monkey (like literally lol). These monkeys can be really mean at times! Glad you’re ok though.
Micamyx|Senyorita recently posted..Bohol Trip Itinerary: Things to Do in Bohol
What a crazy experience! Glad to see you’re ok though. Now I know to be more cautious if I’m near a group of monkeys! Thanks for sharing this and these pictures.
Josh @ Green Global Travel recently posted..10 Amazing Lakes For Your World Travel Bucket List
this was a funny post! can i ask who dave is? he is mentioned in a lot of posts but we looked through your site and couldn’t work out who he was.
jmayel & sacha recently posted..Sukhothai Historical Park – Central Plains
A friend of mine had a terrible experience with the Monkey Mafia at Uluwatu…
She allowed this little terrorist to sit on her lap, despite warnings from us…
As she cooed at it, it bared its teeth at her…STUPIDLY assuming it was smiling at her, she bared her teeth back..
With the speed of lightning, it reached into her mouth & stole her top false teeth!!!!!
She didnt get them back!